On April 2nd, 2026, a distressing message began circulating on social media: Jonathan the tortoise, the oldest known living land animal had died the night before at 194 years old.

In a plot twist reminiscent of Easter, Jonathan’s vet, Joe Hollins, announced the next day that, actually “Jonathan the tortoise is very much alive… It’s a con.” The world breathed a sigh of relief, and Jonathan received an extra helping of his favorite snack of bananas “in celebration of his resurrection”. (theguardian.com)

Jonathan’s exact age is unknown. He is recorded as being brought to St. Helena’s

Island in 1882, at which time he was estimated as being around 50 years old. His caretakers on St. Helena designated December 4th as his birthday in 2022, in honor of his approximate 190th birthday. “Only he knows his actual age,” reads the official St. Helena’s Island website, “and he isn’t saying.

When he was young(er), Jonathan was said to have had quite the personality. “We used to have to carry him from Butcher’s Graves up in a big stretcher,” a 1960s Agriculture and Fisheries worker remembered. “He used to bust through any fence. He used to go up Bishopsholme, up the church, even Rock Cottage. He would crawl up there some way!” A report in the ‘Reading Eagle’ from 1969 mentions Jonathan causing trouble by “disrupting croquet games by sitting on the balls and upending the benches by the tennis courts at Plantation House.” Shortly after that article was published, Jonathan was joined by two other tortoises on the island – Emma and David – and has since begun to settle down to enjoy life as an old man.

Jonathan has also proven to be a bit of a medical mystery, causing arguments online about exactly what species of tortoise he is. According to his Wikipedia page, he is classified as a Giant Seychelles Tortoise. However, Wikipedia’s page on Giant Seychelles Tortoises (Dipsochelys Hololissa) classifies the species as extinct. An expert decided to examine Jonathan in 2009 to put the matter to rest. “An examination of Jonathan’s rear end may have settled the matter. Apparently his “anal scut” (a part of his shell at the rear end) is not divided which makes him definitely a Seychelles Giant Tortoise – at least until the next expert arrives.” (sainthelenaisland.info)

Jonathan has had quite a remarkable life, and lived through some historical

moments – though, being a tortoise and therefore unable to read the daily paper, it is unknown how much he really understands of human life. Nevertheless, his lengthy lifespan has covered the first photograph of a person (1838), the building of the Eiffel Tower (1887), and the first people to walk on the moon (1969). He has also met a number of members of the British Royal Family, including King George IV, his wife the Queen Mother, Princess Margaret, Queen Elizabeth II, Prince Philip, and Prince Edward, the Duke of Edinburgh. It’s also rumored that he met St. Helena’s other famous inhabitant, the French Emperor and General Napoleon, though without knowing how old Jonathan is, this rumor is likely untrue.

As Jonathan approaches his 200th birthday, grand festivities are being planned in his honor. “Jonathan is in good health,” says Jonathan’s vet and caretaker Joe Hollins, “and all the indications at present make us hopeful that he will reach his third century – if he hasn’t already.” Likely all Jonathan is wishing for for his 200th is another bunch of bananas.